jokes for everyone

"Logar, I got a deal to play baseball with the Warfang Free Shots! Can you believe I get to be part of the team?"

"Well Natalie, I'm going to Warfang with you. You know Bucky Harris, the Free Shots' manager, gave me a job as coach for as long as you're on the team."

"Look Logar, if you're the coach, you must know all the players."

"I certainly do."

"Well you know I've never met the guys. So you'll have to tell me their names, and then I'll know who's playing on the team."

"Oh, I'll tell you their names, but you know it seems to me they give these ball players now-a-days very peculiar names."

"You mean funny names?"

"Strange names, pet names...like Dizzy Dean..."

"His brother Daffy."

"Daffy Dean..."

"And their French cousin."

"French?"

"Goofè."

"Goofè Dean. Well, let's see, we have on the bags, Who's on first, What's on second, I Don't Know is on third..."

"That's what I want to find out."

"I say Who's on first, What's on second, I Don't Know's on third."

Natalie got annoyed. "Are you the manager?"

"Yes."

"You gonna be the coach too?"

"Yes."

"And you don't know the fellows' names?"

"Well I should."

"Well then who's on first?"

"Yes."

"I mean the fellow's name."

"Who."

"The guy on first."

"Who."

"The first baseman."

"Who."

"The guy playing...'

'Who is on first!" Lorgar said angrilly.

"I'm asking YOU who's on first!" Natalie said, equally as angry.

"That's the man's name."

"That's who's name?"

"Yes."

"Well go ahead and tell me."

"That's it."

"That's who?"

"Yes."

Natalie took a deep breath. "Look, you gotta first baseman?"

"Certainly."

"Who's playing first?"

"That's right."

Natalie rolled her eyes. "When you pay off the first baseman every month, who gets the money?"

"Every dollar of it."

"All I'm trying to find out is the fellow's name on first base."

"Who."

"The guy that gets...'

"That's it.'

"Who gets the money..."

"He does, every dollar. Sometimes his wife comes down and collects it."

"Whose wife?"

"Yes."

Natalie muttered in frustration.

"What's wrong with that?" asked Logar

"Look, all I wanna know is when you sign up the first baseman, how does he sign his name?"

"Who."

"The guy."

"Who."

"How does he sign..."

"That's how he signs it."

"Who?"

"Yes."

"When he signs his name, what's his name on the paper?"

"No, What signs his own!"

"Then who signs his his?"

"Of course!"

Natalie sighed. "All I'm trying to find out is what's the guy's name on first base."

"No. What is on second base."

"I'm not asking you who's on second."

"Who's on first.'

"One base at a time!'

"Well, don't change the players around."

"I'm not changing nobody!'

"Take it easy, dear."

"I'm only asking you, who's the guy on first base?"

"That's right."

"Ok."

"All right."

"Damn it!"

"What's the guy's name on first base?" asked Natalie trying to calm down.

"No. What is on second."

"I'm not asking you who's on second.'

"Who's on first."

"I don't know.'

"He's on third, we're not talking about him!"

"What? How did... Now how did I get on third base?"

"Why you mentioned his name."

"If I mentioned the third baseman's name, who did I say is playing third?"

"No. Who's playing first."

"What's on first?"

"What's on second."

"I don't know."

"He's on third."

"There I go, back on third again! Would you just stay on third base and don't go off it?"

"All right, what do you want to know?"

"Now who's playing third base?"

"Why do you insist on putting Who on third base?"

"What am I putting on third?"

"No. What is on second!"

"You don't want who on second?"

"Who is on first."

"I don't know."

"Third base!" they said together.

"Look, you gotta outfield?" Natalie asked.

"Sure."

"The left fielder's name?"

"Why."

"I just thought I'd ask you."

"Well, I just thought I'd tell ya!"

"Then tell me who's playing left field."

"Who's playing first."

"I'm not... stay out of the infield! I want to know what's the guy's name in left field?"

"No, What is on second."

"I'm not asking you who's on second!"

"Who's on first!"

"I don't know."

"Third base!" they both said again.

Natalie began venting to stay calm. "The left fielder's name?"

"Why."

"Because!" she exploded.

"Oh, he's centerfield."

"Look, You gotta pitcher on this team?" Natalie asked.

"Sure."

"The pitcher's name?"

"Tomorrow."

"You don't want to tell me today?"

"I'm telling you now."

"Then go ahead."

"Tomorrow!"

"What time?"

"What time what?"

'What time tomorrow are you gonna tell me who's pitching?'

"Now listen. Who is not pitching. Who is-"

"I'll break your arm, you say who's on first! I want to know what's the pitcher's name?"

"What's on second."

"I don't know!"

"Third base!" they said together.

Natalie tried a different approach. "Gotta a catcher?"

"Certainly."

"The catcher's name?"

"Today."

"Today... and tomorrow's pitching."

"Now you've got it," Logar said happilly.

"All we got is a couple of days on the team."

"Well I can't change their names?"

"Change whose name?"

"Who's on first!"

"You know I'm a catcher too," said Natalie who had settled down.

"So they tell me."

"I get behind the plate to do some fancy catching, Tomorrow's pitching on my team and a heavy hitter gets up. Now the heavy hitter bunts the ball. When he bunts the ball, me, being a good catcher, I'm gonna throw the guy out at first base. So I pick up the ball and throw it to who?"

"Now that's the first thing you've said right."

"I don't even know what I'm talking about!"

"That's all you have to do."

"Is to throw the ball to first base?"

"Yes!"

"Now who's got it?"

"Naturally."

Natalie began getting annoyed again. "Look, if I throw the ball to first base, somebody's gotta get it. Now who has it?"

"Naturally."

"Who?"

"Naturally."

"Naturally?"

"Naturally."

"So I pick up the ball and I throw it to Naturally?"

"No you don't, you throw the ball to Who."

"Naturally."

"That's different."

"That's what I said."

"You're not saying it..."

'I throw the ball to Naturally."

"You throw it to Who."

"Naturally."

"That's it."

"That's what I said!'

"You ask me," said Logar.

"I throw the ball to who?"

"Naturally."

"Now you ask me," said Natalie.

"You throw the ball to Who."

"Naturally!"

"That's it!"

"Same as you! Same as YOU! I throw the ball to first. Whoever it is drops the ball and the guy runs to second. Whoever's on first base picks up the ball and throws it to What. What throws it to I Don't Know. I Don't Know throws it back to Tomorrow, Triple play."

"I guess."

"Another guy gets up and hits a long fly ball to Because. Why? I don't know! He's on third and I don't give a damn!"

"What?'

"I said I don't give a damn!"

"Oh, that's our shortstop."

(you may now and ROFL all day long)

"Ready?" Spyro asked.

"As I'll ever be," Cynder said.

The curtain raised and everyone cheered. Spyro stood on the stage dressed as a barber and was talking to another dragon. "Bevis, you are incompitent! You can't even give a proper hair cut!"

"I'm bored!" said Spyro with anger. "You have no idea what it's like! Cutting the same hair for five years!" He looked away and the other dragon left stage as the stage darkened. "I didn't want to be a barber anyway." He condifently looked up at the audiance and raised his voice. "I wanted to be a lumberjack! Leaping from tree-to-tree as they float down the mighty rivers of British Columbia!" Music started in the background. "The giant Redwood, the Larch, the Fir, the mighty Scots Pine!" He donned a snow hat. "The crash of mighty trees!" He took off his barber shirt to reveal a lumberjack's outfit. "With my best girly by my side!"

Cynder came up in a dress and hugged him. 'It may be for a play, but I like it!' she thought.

"We'd sing! Sing! Sing!" Spyro began singing. "I'm a lumberjack, and I'm okay.
I sleep all night and I work all day!"

A bunch of dragons dressed as mounties appeared out of nowhere and sang along. "He's a lumberjack, and he's okay.
He sleeps all night and he works all day."

Spyro then sang alone. "I cut down trees. I eat my lunch.
I go to the lavatory.
On Wednesdays I go shoppin'
And have buttered scones for tea."

"He cuts down trees. He eats his lunch.
He goes to the lavatory.
On Wednesdays he goes shopping
And has buttered scones for tea.
He's a lumberjack, and he's okay.
He sleeps all night and he works all day."

"I cut down trees. I skip and jump.
I like to press wild flowers.
I put on women's clothing
And hang around in bars."

Cynder frowned from hearing this.

"He cuts down trees. He skips and jumps.
He likes to press wild flowers."
The mounties began looking around as they sang.
"He puts on women's clothing
And hangs around in bars? !"
They looked at each other in confusion.
"He's a lumberjack, and he's okay.
He sleeps all night and he works all day."

"I cut down trees. I wear high heels,
Suspendies, and a bra.
I wish I'd been a girlie,
Just like my dear mama!"

Cynder was weaping at this point.

"He cuts down trees. He wears high heels,
Suspendies, and a bra? !" The mounties angrilly walked off stage.

Spyro sang all alone now. "I wish I'd been a girly, just like my dear mamaaa!"

Cynder slapped him and said, "Oh, Bevis! And I thought you were so rugged!"

Spyro and Cynder both bowed as the audiance laughed and cheered. The mounties started throwing tomatos at Spyro, making the audiance laugh harder